this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
