yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
