i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize