There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
