Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
