I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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