I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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