She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
