I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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