i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
