Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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