Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
should my penis look like a turkey
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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