Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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