i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
