its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
