There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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