i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
