I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
