last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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