I'm jealous of your bromance
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
soo... how was my night?
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