he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
