I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
