I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
