when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
