Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
