This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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