Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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