I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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