don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
