I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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