I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she looked like the before picture.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize