Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize