She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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