if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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