I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize