At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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