I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
