god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
