If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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