remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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