I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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