i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
