im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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