WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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