i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize