it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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