I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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