I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
