He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
