I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
