You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
