I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize