I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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