Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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