I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
