i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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