it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
