**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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