If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
