Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
