i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
