I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
