You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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