why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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