i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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