Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
