I feel like I'm in dance class right now
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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