in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just google imaged poop.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
