They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize