i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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