Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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