I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
