I could make wine with my vomit
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
