i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Holy shit dude........stairs
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
