If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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