It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
