exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
BRING THE BAGELS
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
