there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
