never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
