i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
