My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
