If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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