great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
