Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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