i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
