Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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