You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
