I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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