she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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