I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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