god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize