you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
