Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
