Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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