i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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