Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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