i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
