I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
When are your genitals available?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
