like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
