I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
